Three months ago our lives were turned upside down. To much surprise, I found out I was pregnant with our second child around Covington’s second birthday. We would become a family of 4 in February 2017. We of course wanted more children, we just hadn’t planned it would happen so quickly for us. It was all in God’s timing.

My husbands reaction was much better than mine. While you could’ve knocked him over with a feather, he was pacing the house and grinning from ear to ear. Fear set in with me.. How was I going to do this again? Covington had never been a good sleeper.. I was still trying to ween her’s hard enough spending time with my Jordan with one child, would we ever find time with two … And my biggest fear was having to share my attention between two children. I’ve been told it’s completely normal to feel this way with your second, but I felt guilty. So I prayed. I prayed all the time thanking God for this blessing. Praying for a healthy child and for me to be the best mother I could be.

Time passed and the fear, while it was always there, started to subside and turn into excitement. I started remembering all the things I loved about the experience and how much I had to look forward to. The thought of planning a pregnancy announcement was so exciting! Finding out what we were having…who’s room should be where and I even started planning Covington’s big girl room since she would pass down most of her things to the new baby. I was looking up double strollers and envisioning myself with two children and I couldn’t have been more excited.

Towards the beginning of my 6th week of pregnancy I began not feeling well. My stomach hurt. I woke up I’m so much pain one night I was curled over crying. I was not sick at all with Covington so I was sure my time had come. I wrote pain off as being one of those great pregnancy symptoms. I ended up being alright for the next few days. I was crampy but I knew that was normal in the beginning. But a few days later the pain was back. It was back and it was unlike anything I’d ever felt. My left side felt like I was being stabbed. My stomach pain caused me to become sick. I even got the chills. I took to the bed with a heating pad and a ginger ale waiting for it to pass. I battled this for a little over a week telling myself I was going to the dr. the next week and we would discuss what I’d been going through. I never bled so it kept me positive and I was sure everything was alright.

Friday afternoon on July 8, it was happening again. It was unbearable this time. I had unbelievable cramps and pains in my left side and I had insane amount of pressure. I felt like my organs were all going to fall out of my body (I know that sounds bizzare but that’s the best way I can describe it) . I had to work up the energy to even pick up the phone to call Jordan . He came home and called my mother in law to come over . I had looked up my symptoms several times and you know how that goes .. You’re usually dying according to Google. But this time I knew something was wrong. I had seen all the symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy and I had every one except the bleeding. We decided we needed to go to the E.R. because I wasn’t getting better. Diane took Covington and we headed to the hospital.

I went back almost instantly and had blood drawn,received pain medicine, fluids, and put on a bed where we waited for an ultra sound. I was terrified. I was shaking all over scared to death because I knew something was wrong. I didn’t want an ultra sound. I wanted to stay in that room with Jordan and our baby pretending everything was alright. We were wheeled into the tiniest room with our ultra sound tech. Before we started she told me not to get upset if we didn’t see anything…I may not be as far along as I thought therefore we probably wouldn’t see anything . She started looking around ..I saw nothing . We all sat in silence for what seemed like forever. Finally, I asked her if she saw anything. She confirmed what I already knew and told us that she saw no sign of a pregnancy. I knew how far along I was and our baby should’ve been there..

We were rolled out into the hall of the emergency room because there were no rooms available. We sat there forever waiting for our Dr. to come by and tell us the news. Finally, we were told that levels showed that I was at least 7 weeks pregnant and a mass (our baby) was showing up on my left Fallopian tube through the ultra sound . I had an ectopic pregnancy. I probably wasn’t going to have to have surgery because we caught it early enough on. I should only have to have a round of methotrexate. The Dr. Walked away and I looked up at Jordan and I started to cry. I was kept over night to be monitored and I was given injection the following morning. It was hard to come home. I felt so empty and guilty like I had done something wrong to bring this on us. However, this was the first night I’d spent away from Covington so I couldn’t wait to get home to her.

The first month was extremely hard. I stayed in bed for weeks. I was exhausted, in a huge amount of physical pain along with being an emotional basket case. It was such an uncomfortable drawn out process that took forever (still taking) to recover from. Once a week, and sometimes more, I was at the dr. having blood work done to make sure my HCG levels were going down . Lucky for me they were so I didn’t have to endure more medicine or surgery! Praise the Lord! Many women are not as fortunate and end up losing their tube all together. So I am very blessed in that aspect.

8 weeks after my treatment, my levels finally fell below 5. We were ready to begin living our lives again. Everyday I’m getting stronger and learning how to better cope. I have my moments but I am extremely thankful for the support system we have had through this. My husband has been stronger than I ever could be and I couldn’t have gone through this with anyone else. A very good friend of mine sent me a devotional called Grieving the Child I Never Knew. I highly recommend it to anyone who’s gone through a similar last experience. I also joined support groups on Facebook. What amazing things those have been. Having people relate to you and share their experiences has been so helpful to me. No one is alone in going through these types of things even though most people are scared to talk about them.

I know one day I will get to meet my sweet baby… But for now we will have a guardian angel watching over us (: